Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

By Emily Nagoski

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (4.4)

The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

Embrace your body, your mind, and your sexuality—this book unveils the science behind why we feel what we feel and how to use it to improve your intimate life.

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Why This Book?

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski is an eye-opening book that explains the physiology of sexuality. It is important for anyone who wishes to know more about their sexual health, whether they are single or in a relationship. Nagoski’s work is more focused towards those who wish to improve the way they relate to and care for their sexual wellbeing. In a world where the focus is on being perfect, this book encourages readers to love themselves for who they truly are.

This book is targeted towards people interested in health and wellbeing, including those who wish to learn about sexual well being, women’s health, or anyone dealing with intimacy issues in relationships.

One-Sentence Summary: Come As You Are integrates innovative science and proven practices to aid people in understanding and improving their sexual health, all while taking care of the body and mind.

About the Author

With a PhD in Health Behavior from Indiana University, Emily Nagoski is at the forefront of education, research, and practice in human sexuality. The author of Come As You Are set out to empower people with an abundant amount of knowledge regarding their sexual selves while putting to rest misconceptions surrounding sex. All her work is revered for being guided by body-positive principles. Within her career, she has focused on studying and advocating for sexual health. And indeed, Nagoski has mastered the art of making scientific concepts easy to grasp for everyone.

Beside "Come As You Are", Nagoski is also the author of “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle" which addresses emotional issues, especially in relation to women suffering from burnout.

Book Overview

Publication Details	“Come As You Are” was published for the first time in 2015 by Simon and Schuster. Currently, the book is available in hardcover, paperback, audiobook, and e-book.
Main Focus	This book aims to provide knowledge on the science of sexual response and with the aid of the brain-body connection, elucidates on how more fulfilling sexual experiences can be achieved. It not only highlights the distinct sexual responses of every individual but also provides practical insights on how someone can accept and work with their sexual style.

Publication Details

“Come As You Are” was published for the first time in 2015 by Simon and Schuster. Currently, the book is available in hardcover, paperback, audiobook, and e-book.

Main Focus

This book aims to provide knowledge on the science of sexual response and with the aid of the brain-body connection, elucidates on how more fulfilling sexual experiences can be achieved. It not only highlights the distinct sexual responses of every individual but also provides practical insights on how someone can accept and work with their sexual style.

Key Themes and Insights

The book contains useful ideas that undermine existing assumptions around sex. Some of these themes includes:

Personal Nature of Sexual Response: Nagoski argues that people are different, especially with regard to their sexuality. Thus, what is effective for some may not have the same results for others. As a result, it is reasonable to conclude that there is no “one size fits all” form of sex.
The Context Matters: A darker realization in the book is the larger implications of context - stressors, tiredness, and relating to others - on sexual desire. This idea reinforces data that it is equally critical to set the right mental and emotional state before participating in any intimate relations.
Sexual Arousal and Tension: Nagoski gives detail of how stress and anxiety undermine sexual arousal, while pinpointing how these factors can be managed for enhanced sexual engagement.
The Dual Control Model: One of the most memorable concepts is the “Dual Control Model,” which seeks to explain the sexual response as a result of the interplay between two opposing processes, i.e. an accelerator (sexual excitation) and a brake (sexual inhibition).

Readers can benefit from understanding these in terms of managing and enhancing their sexual experiences.

Practical Applications

Nagoski’s book is not just theoretical—there are many actionable tips for readers:

Understanding Your Body: Learning about your personal sexual triggers and responses can help you create a fulfilling experience.
Communication: The book emphasizes the importance of open communication with partners about desires, boundaries, and needs.
Stress Management: Nagoski provides advice on how to manage stress to enhance sexual experiences, including mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

Examples include creating an environment that promotes relaxation before intimacy, or using self-compassion practices to understand and accept one’s sexual identity without shame.

Strengths of the Book

What makes “Come As You Are” especially appealing is its clarity and thorough research. Nagoski blends science with a compassionate approach, making complex ideas accessible and relevant to anyone, regardless of background or experience. Her relatable writing style and use of humor ensure that the book is not only informative but also engaging. Readers also appreciate the book’s body-positive message, which encourages embracing one’s own unique sexual journey without judgment.

Critique and Limitations

While “Come As You Are” is an invaluable resource, some readers may feel that the book focuses heavily on women’s sexuality. Though it’s incredibly insightful for women, some sections could benefit from being more inclusive of male and non-binary perspectives on sexual health.

Additionally, while Nagoski provides great insights into sexual health, some readers might feel the book could go deeper into more advanced topics for those already familiar with basic sexuality education.

What Made This Book Popular?

Sales Success: Come As You Are has been a bestseller, recognized for its transformative approach to sexual wellness.
Critical Praise: The book has been praised by experts in the field, including sex educators, therapists, and health professionals, who recommend it as a must-read for anyone interested in better understanding sexuality.
Reader Impact: The book holds high ratings on platforms like Amazon and Goodreads, with readers appreciating its mix of research and practical advice.
Cultural Influence: The book has contributed to the ongoing conversation about sexual health and body positivity, promoting a more open and informed approach to sexuality.

Comparison with Similar Books

Compared to other popular books in the field, like The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides or The Sexual Health Handbook by Dr. Alex Comfort, Come As You Are stands out for its scientific foundation paired with a deep sense of empathy. While some books focus on techniques or specific health concerns, Nagoski provides a more holistic approach, looking at the intersection of biology, psychology, and emotional health in sexual experiences.

Who Should Read This Book?

Come As You Are is a must-read for anyone looking to improve their sexual health, whether they are in a relationship or navigating intimacy on their own. It’s particularly valuable for those dealing with sexual frustration, anxiety, or confusion, and those seeking a deeper understanding of their body and mind. Health professionals, therapists, and educators will also find this book invaluable in their work.

Memorable Quotes or Excerpts

"Sex is not a goal to achieve; it is a process to be experienced."
"The idea that sex is just about the physical experience misses the point entirely—it's about connection, emotion, and understanding."

Conclusion

Come As You Are is an enlightening and empowering read for anyone looking to understand their sexual well-being more deeply. With a scientific yet accessible approach, Emily Nagoski offers readers the tools to create a fulfilling, personalized sexual experience. Whether you’re facing challenges or simply want to explore your sexuality more fully, this book is a valuable resource.